Hail To The Chefs of Yester Year

These days there is an explosion of celebrity chefs and food wannabees. You got your Bobby Flays, your Mario Batalis, and your army of reality foodshow cooks of mediocre talent.

The televised world of food preparation and showmanship has never been more glamorous and rather pretensious to tell you the truth. I really wonder how many of the food celbrities on tv nowadays are actually talented.

Even Martha Stewart often rumoured to have been crash coursed on how to cook a recipe right before the camera started to roll on her dry, yuppie tv shows.

So this blog is dedicated to the food shows that I grew up with when I was a kid. Mom would be taking a break from her day to turn on the tube to catch a show, and I would come stumbling along, always announcing my presence with, "So what's he cookin'?"

Meet Bruno Gerussi. If any of you recognize him then you are likely young enough to remember him from "The Beachcombers". What you may not recall is that old Bruno had a crappy little show back in the 80's on the CBC called "Bruno Gerussi's Celebrity Cooks".

Aside from the shitty recipes that they would cook, I never knew any of the so called celbrities on his show. Back in the 80's there were quite a few Canadian shows that would boast Canadian celebrities that no one ever heard of. Need proof? Ok. Do you remember "Front Page Challenge"?

Jeff Smith: aka "The Frugal Gourmet". I used to love his little PBS show. Old Jeff would take you for trips around the world to see the food and culture of places like Hong Kong and Morocco, before trying to recreate those dishes in his kitchen.

Jeff's skills weren't very sophisticated and his recipes weren't always good. Onetime when I was a kid I decided to recreate his "Dried Oyster and Minced Pork"dish. Man, my stomach still feels ill just thinking about that repulsive mulch. But I loved The Frugal Gourmet because he celbrated cultures and food and tried to promote what was best in a multicultural life.

Props to Martin Yan who always promised that if "Yan can cook, so can you!" He's had quite a few shows over the years and is an old warhorse of the celebrity chef industry. From a little village in South China to his post as a TV staple, Martin made good.

I loved watching Martin bring Chinese cooking and culture to North America and my favourite part of the show was when he would take his camera and visit different Chinese communities around the world. In his later years he ran out of recipes and started going into fusion bullshit (crab cheese fondue?), but I am still on his side.

And finally, "Pasquale's Kitchen Express", starring Pasquale the opera singing chef.

The show was totally low budget out of Toronto, had garish tv effects from the 80's, and his dishes could only be described as crude. He was especially bad at making salads because he's always run out of time in show and resort to throwing the uncut vegetables onto a plate and drown it in a fast made vinagrette. The salad looked more like a fruit bowl.

But I still have a soft spot for old Pasquale even after all these years. He was everything that the current over styled and manicured chefs are not: honest, earnest, humble, sincere, and truly in love with food. Watching Pasquale may have been one of my ealiest exposures to the magic that food has in sharing and bringing families and friends together. Gracie miele Pasquale, et buono fortuna.

My New Beer

Check it out:

Das Holsten Festbock!

Not my new favourite beer, but definitiely a nice brew to have in the fridge.

500 ml of dark , 7% beer. Cold and tasty.

Follows strict German laws on purity and brewing methods.

Tasty.

Way to go Ernie!

Check it out. Ernie is kickin' ass!

It's only been about two weeks but Ernie is busting out some huge heirloom tomatos and sprouting some new buds.

Not bad for a $1.50

La Nouvelle Cuisine

I've been sick the last couple of days so in my delirium I invented a recipe from scratch to keep my brain occupied and keep my mind from going squishy.

Behold: La Saussisons de Bouilliabaise
(Hot Dog Soup)

Heh heh heh heh....

Now just wait a minute. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that it is a gross idea and too disgusting to even consider. But isn't the art of cooking founded on taking seemingly unappetizing food and turning it into something delicious?

Can you imagine the guy who invented cheese and thought, "Hmmm...this stinky blob of goo is probably good on toast."

What about Hot Wings? Think about it. If you've never heard of fried chicken before, would the sight of a stupid looking chicken running by you make you imagine taking its wings off to bread, fry and serve cheap on Tuesday nights?

I didn't think so.

So on with the recipe:

You will need a soup pot, a sieve/strainer, one large sweet onion, a litre of water or chicken stock, splash of olive oil, 1 large potato, half cup of whole milk, two stalks of celery, two fat carrots, a clove of garlic, salt, pepper, thyme, two bay leaves, 1 thai chili (optional), and of course three stout, frozen weiners.

Food Prep:

• Garlic: Finely sliced. Not diced.
  
• Onion, carrot, celery, potato: Diced to approximately 1 centimeter cubes
  
• Chili: Sliced in half length-wise. Discard the seeds.
  
• Weiners: I would suggest slicing them thinly into sheets, then doing a julien cut of 1 inch lengths. This will create a pleasing texture, without giving away the wiener's identity to your more stuck up table guests.

Into the Fire:

• Put the pot on medium heat.
  
• Add a splash of olive oil. Make sure the heat is hot, but the oil is not smoking.
  
• Add your weiner and sautee until relatively crispy. Be careful not to break the fine julien.
  
• Remove the weiner from the oil and save in a bowl.
  
• Add your miripoise (onion, celery, and carrot) and sautee until the onion is translucent and the air smells of your delicate vegetables.
  
• Add the garlic and re-add your weiner (add chili if you have it). Sautee for one minute.
  
• Then add your water or chicken stock, milk, potato, add the bay leaf and thyme, raise the heat to high.
  
• Let the soup boil, then reduce temperature to low and simmer for twenty minutes. When the potato is soft remove about half of the potato and push through a strainer back into the soup. This will create a creamy texture.

To the Plate:

• Taste the soup and add pepper and salt to taste.
  
• Ladle into serving bowls and serve on proper plates.
  
• Garnish with parsley leaves or perhaps a sprig of green onion ribbons.

Remember to tell your guests that they are dining on Saussisons de Bouilliabaise. That way you will enjoy their praise and admiration instead of pissing them off by telling them you made them cheap hot dog soup.

Here are the dogs, and you have reached them

Just finished reading George Orwell's, "Down and Out in Paris and London".

I've read his "Animal Farm" and about half of "1984", but I didn't know that Orwell had done non-political work.

Essentially this book follows Orwell throughout his poverty years during the 1930's first in Paris and then in London.

Slaving away for two years in Paris as a plongeur, he came to know what poverty is really like; that certain destiny that the educated and middleclass are forever fearful of. To fall from social grace and be despised by your peers.

The next phase of Orwell's life finds him in London awaiting employment and so he again finds himself trying to cheat hunger and cold for a month before his job is ready for him. During that time Orwell meets all sorts of beggars and such while he slept in charity houses and wandered the roads in search of bread and pennies.

There comes a point in the book where he meets a fellow rascal by the name of Bozo, who earns a living as a street artist; scratching works of art into the pavement for coins until eventually meeting his end in the workhouses.

"If you set yourself to it, you can live the same life, rich or poor. You can still keep on with your books and your ideas. You just got to say to yourself, "I'm a free man in here"' - tapped his forehead - 'and you're all right.'

Reading this passage was familiar to me. So many times in the last few months of my life when I was feeling down and out, friends and strangers far worse off than I, reached out to give me the same advice.

How humbling when someone who really has a right to complain, comes along to warmly remind you that everything will be fine.

Great literature is not about the style and poetry of the words. It is about expressing the sentiments of life and the aspirations of the human spirit. It's also great to pad your shelves with so people think you are smart!

Why America is Sinking

I once heard the tail end of a radio broadcast and so I wasn't sure if what I heard was a joke, or if it was real. However the radio announcer stated that North America is sinking into the ocean a little bit every year and one possbile explanation was that Americans are getting way too fat.

Well, after catching this video on the YouTube, I am not sure if this theory is really so crazy.

Behold: The Double Pounder.

These guys went to the McDonalds and ordered an 8 layer Royale with Cheese, and then proceeded to scarf it down to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger".

Watching this video is what I describe as a car crash: It is a horrific sight, but somehow you still can't look away. Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpDJpg2eW4o&mode=related&search=

The Ultimate Chick Flick

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

When I saw the tv commercial for this flick I says to myself, "Good Lord! This is like movie full of all the people I never want to see in a movie!"

I could only imagine the poor dude that gets roped into seeing this movie with his girlfriend or wife. Damn! He must have gotten into BIG trouble! Trouble so big, no bushel of flowers could ever repay his transgression.

Meryl Streep, Vanessa Redgrave, Claire Danes.....holy crap! What a roster of actresses guranteed to make you fall asleep and dream about knitting.

I haven't been this put off since I saw a tv commercial for Steel Magnolias....uggh

So the otherday we went to see Pixar's "Rattatouille" and while waiting for our movie to open, I noticed "Evening" playing in the theater next to us. Here is a shot I snapped of the mad line up to get in to see it.

Happy 140th Canada!

Hooray!

It is July 1st, Canada Day 2007!

Woo hoo!

The 140th birthday of my country!

Spectacular!

Don't have to much too say right now, but have a good one y'all!