Stop Lecturing Me Damnit!

Ok I was folding my laundry so I needed something to watch on TV. Something interesting, but bland enough to not distract me from my laundry. So I clicked on to CNBC.

Hoping to catch the last fifteen minutes of "Managing China", I began to get subjected to non-stop Public Service Announcements by celebrities who lectured me on all kinds of pretensious crap.

I started to get pissed.

Come on! Talking down to me about not spending enough time with my kids? Who the hell do they think is watching CNBC on a Saturday morning anyways?

So now I am exacting kharmic revenge by turning the tables and lecturing back to these people:

Hey Donald Trump! Don't you stand there with your scary comb-over hair and tell me that "Smoking sucks....the air out of your lungs!". Last time I saw you, you were sucking a huge cigar as well as the life out of everyone in the near vicinity of you. So here's my lecture for you: Hey Trump! Stop pretending like you are a financial superstar. You were born with your Daddy's money, still went bankrupt in the 80's, and have yet to turn a profit with your hotels.

For most of you out there, you have no idea who this person is unless you love using L'Oreal products because you don't have $80 to buy an ounce of professional hair gel (That stuff is more expensive than cocaine!). This is Andy MacDowell and her last "big name" movie was "Muppets from Space" circa 1999.

Andy, your whole career is about being famous for being old in Hollywood. But you aren't really working are you? Except for those ads about Ovarian Cancer you shill while wearing red cocktail dresses and lot's of "studio magic".

Bejamine Bratt...my god. What happened to you buddy? You were poised for greatness and you totally owned Law & Order. Then you had to go and get too big for TV and tried to jump into movies eh? You hooked up with Julia Roberts and then she ruined you for any other woman.

I often wondered where you went. You were good. Now you live on only on 20 second PSAs pompously assuming that I don't read, and that I should "Read a book, a magazine, or anything!"

You ass! First you assume I am an illiterate because I am watching you on TV, and then at the same time you insult me for being around to see you on TV. A double burn!

Benny, why don't you get a haircut, ditch the sweater your grandmother gave you, and get back to doing real acting. The phone might ring to let you know that there might be a "Blood In Blood Out" sequel right?

Take that!

ps: Note the "Director's Cut" on the box. That usually means,"I think I can tack on some extra footage from the trash can and squeeze a little more juice from this crap movie.". There. That's my double burn!