To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women

So I was on Bayview and Eglington last weekend enjoying the sunshine and checking out the neighborhood. I got a bit of a sun tan while ducking in and out of cool shops and eateries, exploring this neighborhood which I've never been to before.

To tell you the truth it was quaint in a waspy kinda way, and it seemed every woman there was either pregnant or pushing a baby stroller. Not to mention that the official uniform for yuppy women trying not to overstyle on a Saturday, is the yoga pants. Don't even get me started on that crazy cult Lululemon...

So anyways we are walking down the street when I spy this crowd of people on the sidewalk in front of this gourmet food store. As I get closer I see that there is this table set up with a line of colourful bottles of chili sauces, bowls, and a pile of corn chips.

Working the table was this young kid and with him was this old dude.

Have you ever seen "Justin Wilson's Louisiana Cookin"? It was this 80's cook show with this old dude name Justin (pronounced "Joooostaan") who would cook cajun food while telling rambling stories about people named "Shorty Beauchamp" or "Little Froggy Sinclair".

Those stories never ever made sense or went anywhere. But Old Justin was happy to tell them while making soup out of sausage or re-creating a truck stop desert made of saltine crackers and strawberry jam packets.

The punchline for every recipe was that he'd somehow work a bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce into it. Then he'd have a taste and shout "Whooooooo weeeee! Dat is darned good! I gare-rawn-teeee y'all!" Then he'd get a paycheck from the makers of Louisiana Hot Sauce.

So anyways, back on Bayview, this old dude working the table looked just like Old Justin. Same overalls, suspenders, and country accent. He sees me coming and asks me if I like it "hot".

So I says, "Yeah I like it damn hot".

So he goes into his schpeel about his different sauces and offers to let me try them.

I says,"Gimme your hottest".

He says," Yeah? You don't want to start with a mild one and work up to the hottest?"

I says, "Nah. I want it damn hot".

"Ok. This one is my hottest. It's 1400 Scoville heat units. Be careful."

So I take a giant scoup of the sauce, sniff it, and eat the chip. The heat was mild...about 5 seconds before feeling even close to being hot. The old dude is watching me and getting dissappointed that I am not suffering.

I ask him," Do you have anything hotter? Do you have some Dave's Insanity Sauce in the store?"

He says," Dave's? Yeah....I am familiar with Dave's. Maybe they have some in the store..."

So we go inside and I don't see Dave's Insanity Sauce. When I come out the old dude is gone. That's when I realize that he wasn't working for the store, and that he was out selling his own home made sauces. WoW! I totally disrespected his sauce by accident!

I didn't see him the rest of that day. I think he went home in shame. Possibly hunched over his sauce pot adding gasoline to try to make it spicier. I Gare-rawn-teeee!